Sometimes Life Hands You a Triangle Choke…

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a fascinating art. The picture above is me getting triangle choked by UFC fighter Jason Lambert at a seminar this past Memorial Day Weekend. There’s a lot of strategy involved in the higher levels of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) and the really good guys – like Jason or my teacher Chris Wright-Martell – can set you up and make you do stuff that you KNOW you shouldn’t do but you do it anyway because it’s a natural human reaction. I spent the entire weekend getting a glimpse into some of Jason’s game and seeing how he sets things up and gets the reactions he wants from his opponents – like “encouraging” me to have one arm inside his guard and one arm outside which is the setup for the fun position I’m in above.

Life is Like BJJ…

Life can be the same. Sometimes you get caught up in the moment and have the natural, instinctive human reactions that are basically unavoidable. Often these reactions can lead you to trouble – or at least to a result that isn’t the one you intended. Yes, we work to learn more and more and develop more and more skill so we don’t make as many mistakes – and don’t fall for the really obvious and avoidable set ups. But in life as in martial arts, there are always situations and opponents that are stronger, better, faster and more experienced than you. If you work on pushing your limits and growing – in martial arts and in life – you’ll quickly encounter situations that are going to get the best of you and “encourage” you to do the wrong things. Sometimes you’ll avoid the pitfall and sometimes you won’t…

The Fight vs. the Training Hall Mentality…

I don’t remember where I first heard about this concept – it was probably from Stephen K. Hays or his teacher, Dr. Massaki Hatsumi. The concept is that the training hall or “Dojo” needs to be a safe, nurturing place where a student can learn and explore, make mistakes and grow from them. By contrast, the “world” isn’t like that. When you make mistakes in the world you very often suffer for them. In a REAL fight, a mistake can have very serious consequences. This is why we want to make as many mistakes as possible in our training – so we don’t make them in the real world where there’s sometimes only one shot to get it right.

Are the People and Places in Your Life a “Dojo?”

Some of the stuff life has thrown at me lately has made me realize where I have a “Dojo” in my life, where I don’t and where I need one. I have some great people around me in a bunch of different places – like the actual place I train, Modern Self-Defense Center – and a few others. These are people who accept me for who I am and work on their own “mistakes” right along with me and work on being better than yesterday every day. These are people who have seen me at my best and my worst and have embraced, accepted and supported it all – even some of the stuff I couldn’t even embrace or support in myself.

And there have been other people and places who wouldn’t – or couldn’t – support me in the midst of some of my “mistakes” or “failings.” The times when I did the natural, instinctive human things – even though I knew better.

The people close to you need to be your dojo. You WILL make mistakes in life. We ALL make mistakes in life. The people closest to you should laugh with you when you realize the folly of your actions and move on. It’s called acceptance.

Acceptance…

I’ve been working a lot with acceptance lately. I’m reading “Full Catastrophe Living” by Jon Kabat-Zin and much of that book is about accepting the good and bad in life, the ups and downs and the agreeable and the disagreeable. It’s about accepting “the full catastrophe” that is life just as it is and not as we want it to be. This doesn’t mean we don’t constantly strive for improvement, it just means we accept, acknowledge and embrace where we find ourselves at THIS particular moment. How else can we move forward if we don’t acknowledge where we currently are?

As you go through your day and you go through you life, think about where you’re encouraged to be who you are – just as you are – and learn and grow. And think about where you feel like you’re in a high-stakes game where one wrong move can spell disaster or you’re walking on eggshells to keep someone happy or just keep them from losing it and creating drama. The people in your life who are closest to you need to accept the full catastrophe that is YOU. Just as you need to accept the full catastrophe that is them.

And, in the end, as much as we want to accept people just as they are and love and nurture them for who they are – while we support them in growing and improving – sometimes, for whatever reason, someone just won’t let us. And there’s really nothing we can do about it… We just have to accept that that’s what IS and move on and heal.

I’m working on accepting myself more every day. I accept who I am and where I am in my training and my life while I work on being better than yesterday every day. I’ve talked before about accepting where you are at the moment – even when you’re “not supposed to be there” – in my post “It’s Always Right There.” It’s hard to take an honest and critical look at your weaknesses over and over again and constantly work to grow and improve. It’s uncomfortable, tiring and not too fun. But, in the end, that’s what life is about – growing, evolving and improving.

So, go out there and get to work – just make sure the people and places around you are your Dojo…

ttys

Adam

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