(Thanks to my good friend Chris Wright-Martell for the pic! Check out Modern Self-Defense Center for more…)
I’m not a big one for reality TV. In fact, I’m not really one to sit and watch TV at all. Last night I was sucked in to TWO shows on A&E – Intervention and Heavy. Definitely not my usual watching preference either. Speed TV or UFC on Spike are usually more my style. What hooked me in to both of these shows was how much of myself I could see in the people on the shows. No, I haven’t started smoking crack and I’m not eating myself to death but…
We ALL struggle with the same basic issues…
It’s weird how all this stuff works. Last night I could see the basic needs and behaviors that we ALL share as human beings. Is there really THAT much of a difference between the guy who weighs 460lbs and KNOWS he should eat better and take better care of himself – but experiences terrible pain and frustration when he makes the right eating choice or tries to alter his behavior – and the guy (ME) who knows where he wants his training and his writing and his life to be and just can’t seem to step it up to that next level?
I don’t think there’s a lot of difference.
Sure, I’m in a “better” place. You could argue that “struggling” for a 500lb deadlift or to eat perfectly clean or to take 30 seconds off of Fran is a luxury compared to needing to loose 100lbs so you don’t die, but I think the struggle and the thought process and the basic human tendency is the same. No matter the need or the goal, we’re still dealing with the very human tendency to do what’s going to move us AWAY from our goals in the pursuit of instant gratification.
I KNOW what I want. I’ve spent 1000s of hours working on my goals and building knowledge and training and making mistakes and writing out goals and an action plan. And I’ve made HUGE sacrifices and taken some major risks to set my life up so I can live how I want and how I truly believe I NEED to to be happy and successful and live my passion. But I’m just NOT delivering like I could be. And I’m taking a negative view of the not delivering too. I’m not taking it as “feedback” that I can use to change direction I’m just getting more pissed off at myself because I’m falling short on my goals. And my list of “shoulds” is getting longer and more frustrating…
And STRESS is the common denominator…
Something that kind of smacked me in the face last night was that EVERYONE on these shows was doing their destructive behavior of choice in response to STRESS. Pretty incredible. I’ve had a lot of stress lately and it was sobering (pun intended) to see that I was struggling with less-than-positive behavior in response to stress just like the men and women on these shows were. My life situation is different and my behaviors are much less destructive in nature and severity, but the process is exactly the same.
I think dealing with stress is a two-part process. Yes, you need to modify your stress-related behaviors but you also have to lower the stress in your life. I don’t accept that stress just “is” and we have to deal with it. I think we create a lot of it between our own behaviors and society’s ridiculous ideas and norms. But that’s another blog post…
Here’s where I’m screwing up:
- I’m eating clean and Paleo for the most part but I could do MUCH better. I’m not eating enough. I’m not eating on enough of a schedule.
- I’ve gotten really stressed and done some emotional eating – just like EVERY person on Heavy was doing.
- I’ve had some really bad days and slumped on the couch with a few NorCal Margaritas a little to often. The guy “Benny” on intervention would RUN to alcohol the second he got into any kind of stress. Yeah, I’m NOWHERE NEAR that kind of behavior but I can see that the process is the same. Particularly because I’ve never been into drinking and have gone YEARS between drinks for most of my life. Now I have a big bottle of tequila in the house and a bunch of limes in the fridge? WTF?
- Add to that the fact that I KNOW alcohol and emotional eating affects my training negatively.
- I’m not drinking enough water.
- I’m not doing yoga or joint mobility EVERY DAY like I want to and know I should – even though I ALWAYS feel better when I do and I DO have the time.
- I’m not blogging and writing as much as I need to and want to.
- I could be cooking more interesting and tasty Paleo food.
- I’m not pushing through The Dip as well as I could be.
- I’m not training at the level I want to be – and KNOW I can be.
Actually, there’s A LOT more I’m not particularly happy with right now. There are a lot of minor improvements I can make too…
Where can YOU start delivering on your promises to yourself?
It’s sounds silly, but I was REALLY inspired to make some changes last night. Not that I’m in danger of weighing 500lbs or sending my mom out to the package store for me at 10am on a Tuesday but I can see how this shit works and I don’t like it.
Wherever YOU are, whoever YOU are and whatever YOUR goals are, be honest with yourself and your efforts and behaviors. I was particularly inspired by Ashley on Heavy because she made SO MANY brave lifestyle changes. She lost just under 100lbs and was absolutely determined to do what it took to permanently change her lifestyle, stay away from alcohol and get the negative people out of here life – including her alcoholic father. You could see the determination and the work ethic she had and it was inspiring.
So, I looked at that and had to ask myself: If she can do what she’s doing do I REALLY have an excuse for not training at 100% EVERY workout or giving 100% effort on getting my food and water right for the day or getting my yoga and recovery work done? Is there really that much difference between someone who is seriously overweight and feels sad and left out because they can’t play with their kids like they want to or can’t walk or stand for very long and someone who wants to train and run and do Jiu Jitsu and muscle ups more and better than they do now – and feels frustrated when his friends post pics or talk about those things and are doing them better then he is? I don’t think there’s a lot of difference.
To paraphrase Coach Glassman, our needs – the human ones – vary in degree, not in kind…
I’m going to make some changes. I’m looking at where I can change and improve RIGHT NOW and where I’m not delivering the goods and can do better. Spring is about 6 short weeks away and I know where I want to be when the weather gets nice again and this little beach town fills up and gets fun.
What can YOU be doing better?
ttys
Adam
Thanks Adam. I needed that and feel just the same way. I have always said that many trainers are much more like their clients than their clients know. We ALL struggle…all need motivation…a person to tell us we can do “one more” when we don’t think we can! I don’t know how long it will take…or how I’ll do it…but I KNOW the flip side WILL be better for me…and YOU. 🙂
Glad it helped, Marsha! It was amazing how much of myself I could see in their struggles… Yes, the flip side will be better for both of us! 🙂
Adam
Thanks Adam. I have been struggling with some injuries and personal stuff the past few weeks and it is just so discouraging. I am currently unable to give what I feel is my 100% at the gym because of the injuries and thus I have been unable to vent the stress of the personal stress and it just builds. But you know what? I CAN give 100% of my injured self and that is what I am going to do and concentrate on that until I get better. I am a trainer at my gym and Marsha is right, trainers need just as much encouragement as the clients and sometimes it just takes a toll on you when you go too long without that encouragement.
Thanks for the pick me up and the inspiration!
That makes me SO happy, Alison! Glad I could play a little part in you getting on track!
Adam
Awesome, Alison! Glad you’re making some good changes! The way I look at is: There’s about 6 weeks till spring. If I can’t deliver the goods from now till then, I might as well pack it in and admit I don’t have the guts. And THAT’S NOT going to happen so…
ttys
Adam
I’ve been making a real effort to keep my PROMISES to myself. If I told a friend “I’ll meet you at the gym at noon”, I wouldn’t just change my mind & pull a no-show. But I do that to myself all the time… I call it BARGAINING. (Like with the devil haha) I say I’ll do this other thing instead of that, then I’ll do THAT later. Maybe I’ll have this last cheat-thing now and tighten it up LATER. Ch’yea right, later never comes. And when it does, my ass is still fat HAHA and that’s when I’m supposed to get the wake-up call?? I saw on a t.v. show, an alcoholic father talking to his daughter, he said “I had to hit the bottom of the barrel before I started back up — if I can do ANYTHING, to help you not have to hit the bottom, I will.” And that’s how I’m trying to encourage myself… that I don’t HAVE to hit the bottom of the barrel. I can keep on taking baby steps when I don’t feel like running, I can NOT-rx a wod instead of skipping it altogether because I don’t shave a minute off my Fran. If I don’t think I can do something 200% over-the-top, I don’t do it at all — but that way I tell myself I didn’t fail. My new year’s resolution is to “FAIL”, and fail BIG hahahaha When a perfectionistic attitude is interfering with my progress, maybe it’s time to let that one go, and be okay with half-assed.
Peace,
Kath
Great points, Kath! We all do the bargaining at times! Isn’t it annoying? And you’re right on about the perfectionism – here’s what I had to say on THAT topic: http://adamfarrah.com/perfectionism-and-self-sabatage-paleo-style
Thanks for the comment and let us know how you’re doing after a while!
Adam
Thank you so much. Your comparison was spot on. The thing I love most about CrossFit is that it challenges me to do better. But I think I have fallen into a rut and I am not getting the gains I want. The females in the gym I always compete against (in my own mind) are STILL beating me. So I have to ask myself, why? Did I do everything I needed to do in preparation for the workout? Am I recovering correctly after? And am I eating right (at this point I feel like I don’t even know what that is). I know for me I have to really understand EVERYTHING that goes into looking and feeling great and having an awesome workout. It’s so much more than the the workout. Once I get all the pieces together, I think I will truly be an unstoppable force. Again thank you for sharing…
Glad you liked it, Tia. Check out my free Paleo diet stuff at the top right of the blog. That should help you get going in the right direction with your diet.
Adam
YOur article is so on point with the issues I am struggling with (and have always struggled with) and the personal development work that I’m doing right now. Reading Jeff Olsen’s book “The Slight Edge” is definitely helping. (Another good book is “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Steven Covey) You’re so right, it’s such a thin line between slacking off a little bit, making the wrong choice here and there, and then making the wrong choice all the time. I used to party a lot and I’d watch the drug addicts on the street begging for money on my way home from an all night bender and wonder how long before some of us (the crew I was partying with) ended up like that. Luckily I straightened out and I don’t engage in that self destructive behavior anymore but the beast is still very much there. It takes a lot of effort to keep her tame. I have found that commiting to a spiritual practice & meditation is really helping me stay focused on who I really am and what my goals are.
It’s good to know that I am not the only person out there struggling with those issues – knowing that I can do better, knowing that I could be even more disciplined. Fortunately, life gives us a brad new day every day and an opportunity to start over again every day. The best we can do is continue to love & forgive ourselves, and keep working hard. We’ll get there!
Thanks so much, Irene! I’m with you on the spiritual practice and The Slight Edge!
Adam
I absolutely agree there is nothing fundamentally different at our roots no matter the outside ‘problem’. Obesity is just a visible sign for some folks. For other’s it’s various addictions or simply not living up to potential, procrastination. In all cases, a deep connection with our perfect and peaceful selves are what is missing and a sense that we are not doing/being/acting ENOUGH is what keeps us from that. How many times does this base concept of ‘not enough’ come up in your thoughts and writing? Not eating enough good food, not working out enough, not stretching enough, not meditating enough, enough enough enough. If there is one element at the heart of every human’s compulsions it is the fear of not being enough in some way shape or form and that is what needs to be worked on. Diet, exercise and the rest of it comes naturally and ecstatically after that, not before 🙂 Lists of good and bad behaviors will drive us all berserk. If you want a cocktail, have a cocktail and enjoy the heck out of it! Just come from a place of contentment first and you don’t have to worry about the ‘badness’ of the behavior because there is no such thing. anyways, that was a lot. Hope you’re feeling a little more content since you posted that.
Good points, Sharleen. Sometimes though, there are things you just shouldn’t do though. If I have a drink it impacts my mood and digestion and energy. I enjoy if briefly and then have to deal with the after affects. This is where the “everything in moderation” attitude can get a little destructive..
Adam
Get out of my head! Wait! No, don’t! I get something out of every article you write. Keep it up!
HA! It’s weird when you start to realize we ALL struggle with the same stuff… 🙂
Adam
Oh, yeah, rub it in… Spring… Here in the northern hemisphere, winter is breathing down our necks. (And Chicago is north enough that winter means literally freezing and plenty of snow). 🙂
Thanks for your honesty man. And for your encouragement.
Thanks for the comment! Glad you like the post!
Adam
Adam,
Thanks for the pick me up! I have always viewed the shows the same way and used them for motivation to ward off those little demons we all have.
About six weeks ago I fell off some scaffolding at work and broke my neck. I am a small general contractor so instantly my income was slashed, but I new I would figure something out. The part that really killed me is that my daily 1 1/2 hour workout/get my mind straight was done for a while. My metabolism dropt, my wieght went up along with alcohol consumption and I now I have that damn winter cold. Enough bitching.
Good things are that I have found you and a few other online resourses with my down time.
Just wanted to let you know I was just about to turn off the pc and get a drink when your email came through. After reading it I feel motivated to get on on my lame recumbent bike and do a few more miles tonight and keep my drinking to water.
Thanks, and keep them coming I am relying on this kind of stuff right now.
P.S. Don’t feel to bad I should be 100% in about two more months.
Sorry to hear about the fall, Nick!
I have to say that the time I spent really sick and laid up on the couch was really important to me. It gave me a lot of time to just sit and be alone with myself and think about life and what I wanted, etc. That time is WHY I’m now writing this blog, have a book written, am training in CrossFit, etc, etc…
There’s a saying: “When fishermen can’t go to sea they repair their nets.” Take this downtime to do your research and get a good plan going for when you’re back on your feet. This goal setting blog I did last year should help: http://adamfarrah.com/creating-a-fitness-vision-and-training-goals-for-the-new-year
Good luck and keep in touch!
Adam