I’ve realized this morning that I’m never going to be good enough. At least, not as long as I’m playing by the rules of society and our fucked up culture.
I really shouldn’t care. But I do. It’s not even that I play by the rules anymore, but a lot of people I know still do. I’m VERY clear about my goals and who I want to be and what I want my life to look like. VERY CLEAR. The “problem” is that what I want isn’t what most people want.
Maybe what most people think they want isn’t truly what they want and it’s what our TV and internet culture told them they should want. Probably that. But I’ve met VERY FEW people who have thought through every aspect of their lives and made decisions based on their own internal desires and standards.
How many books have YOU written?
I love how everyone tells me how much I need to relax and have fun and “let loose.” That’s all nice – and I KNOW I could do a little better in the “relaxing department.” (Particularly since, ONE DAY into my “no computer in the morning and yoga first thing in the morning” habit I’m writing this instead of doing yoga…) But I know what I want and where I want to be and who I want to be – and you don’t get there by relaxing. I also know that when the muse appears I need to write. She will likely be gone if I wait until later… Welcome to the wonderful world of being a wacky creative…
I talked about what it was like to drive my book “The Paleo Dieter’s Missing Link” to completion last week in the post: “My SINS Challenge Update – Late is a Lot Better than Never.” IT WAS HARD. So was getting a Chemistry degree 10 years ago. So is making good progress in weight training and martial arts – I know these two are hard because I’m currently making SHIT for progress. Nothing worth accomplishing is easy! NOTHING!
But, it’s a lot easier to find creative ways to distract yourself from what you really want or tell yourself you’re happy with the way things are. And, unless you are surrounded by exceptional people, most everyone in your life will be thrilled to tell you you’re much better served drinking with them or eating garbage with them than you are working on what matters TO YOU. Misery loves company…
There was a great quote in the book I just started reading, “The War of Art.” In it, Pressfield says:
“When we drug ourselves to blot out our soul’s call, we are being good Americans and exemplary consumers. We’re doing exactly what TV commercials and pop materialist culture have been brainwashing us to do since birth. Instead of applying self-knowledge, self-discipline, delayed gratification and hard work, we simply consume a product.”
I wasted some of the best training years of my life in my early 20s trying to “have it all.” I was out “being social” instead of studying or resting for my workout the next morning. I was letting others decided what was best for me instead of doing what I KNEW was right in spite of the fact that no one else was doing it and in spite of the fact that all my friends encouraged me to “let loose” and not be so “intense” all the time. And what was the final outcome of that period of my life? A train wreck. If I had it to live over again I wouldn’t even answer my phone when people called me to hang out. I’d train and rest and study and let the world go fuck itself. Maybe a few more pounds of muscle or a bigger deadlift or better health isn’t what our culture values. But, it’s what I valued then and it’s what I value now – and THAT’S what’s important.
But I can only live in The Now…
I can’t go back there, though. I can only live today and apply the lessons of yesterday to what I do now.
And here’s what I know today:
- I want to be a better writer and blogger
- I want to write the best fitness blog IN THE WORLD (Yeah, the world…)
- I want outstanding health, strength and fitness
- I want many, MANY people to buy, read and LOVE my new book
That’s just a start. I wrote out a bunch of other goals here: “My OWN SINS Challenge Goals.” None of these things happen by being balanced, they don’t happen by relaxing and they don’t happen by accident. They happen when you put in the hard, HARD work and break through your own – and society’s – resistance.
I’m done with it all. Nothing I want or do or accomplish will ever be good enough for anyone else anyway. I’m going to continue to focus on ME and what makes ME happy and what I value. If people like me and admire me for it, great. If it’s not good enough for someone else, I don’t care.
YOU shouldn’t care about anything but YOUR OWN standards either – as long as they’re TRULY YOURS. Think about THAT for a while…
ttys
Adam
Adam!! Dude, get out of my head!! You’re freakin’ me out lately! Your rant resonated LOUDLY. The only thing that doesn’t fit for me, just for me!, is balance. I need and crave balance even when I’m full throttling my life into my improved life.
I’ve been contemplating what my standards are right now and how I want to live my life lately….today it’s time to write it down and commit to my own greatness.
My hope is that one day soon the quality of an individual’s health is deeply valued and respected.
You rock, Adam!
Awww… Thanks, Connie :*-)
I liked your post Adam and I’d like to wish you luck on your goals. I’ve only heard one other person recommend “The War of Art”. That was Larry Winget. Larry had a phrase that he picked up somewhere and it goes like this, “What you think of me is none of my damn business.
Great book so far, Bodhi! Check it out!
Permission to come aboard?!? lol Wow, Adam, this really hit home with me today. Thanks for being so real.
Permission granted, Darienne! 🙂
I like everything you said. I’ll be thinking on these things today. What or who am I really doing this for…it should be ME- and the things/people that make up ME. Like my husband and son too
Glad I gave you something to think about, Jill!
Love this post Adam! You often put in writing EXACTLY what I am thinking! Its like an AHA moment 🙂 Thank you!
That makes my day, Erika!
Amen! It’s really good to know, someone I consider an inspiration, was also told to “let loose”. For me, it’s the same people who spend their nights getting drunk, etc. They have only brought me down. The more I remove those people from my life (when possible) the better I feel. And I’m only getting warmed up!!! 🙂
AWESOME, DNA! Do it!
Adam
Wow, I am having a BEEN THERE, DONE THAT moment. Wasted too many years trying to stick with old bad habits… Things are certainly different now!
Your rant is more than just a rant… It is food for thought.
Thanks, Maryann!
Adam
Love it!
Thank you Adam, for telling it like it is!!
Heidi and Kati,
Glad you guys liked this! I got in BIG trouble with a friend over this post. Too bad, but these are my feelings…
Thanks for the support, guys!
Adam
Hi Adam,
I could not believe what i was reading after finishing your blog, EVERYTHING within that great piece of work, (not a rant by any of the standards i have anyway) echoes with where i am in my life at the moment, there were some variations on life goals but it is good to know i am not alone in my thoughts, i have lost so many “so called friends” over the paste few years because of a few new life challenge i have taken on, personality re-adjustments have ensued because of society brain washing which has left me not really liking the people who cannot see the brainwash for themselves – who were once friends, which is a shame…. Time for a clear-out was something that has remained a focus and i am never looking back, their loss.
Peace my friend, you have a new follower, thinking of you and your comments which are fresh food for thought in my creative brain:)
Jim
Such a GREAT comment, James! Thank you so much for posting it!
Good luck and peace to you too, my friend!
Adam
WOW – so ON Point for many aspects of all our lives!!!! Between Health/fitness, political, financial, etc. Worry about ourselves, i.e. TAKE CARE of yourself and your family. Make a goal, work hard to achieve it. We all have many friends that have no goals in life at all, nothing past buying the latest electronic or going drinking on Saturday.
Think I’m going to have my teenagers read this … we try drilling these thoughts into their heads, but hearing it from a non-family member sometimes works much better 🙂
LOL Maybe if you got in trouble from a “Friend”, you must have hit a nerve. Hopefully the person will take a look at their own life and make some new goals and work on attaining them 🙂
Thanks again Adam!
Thanks, Marci! 🙂
Adam
I stopped trying to live by other people’s standards years ago. Especially when it got to the stage where they wanted me to give in gracefully and be a middle aged frump who did not challenge their comfort zones.
No chance, I want to grow old disgracefully, continue to lift heavy weights and compete in contests till I can no longer crawl up the steps onto the stage. I dance to the beat of my own drum………people can take it or leave it!
Nice, Janet!
Adam
Your post echoed many things I’ve felt nearly my entire life, for a long time I wished I didn’t have that insight or feel that way because it left me feeling like I didn’t fit in with most people around me when I was young. I can remember saying to my Mom when I was about 15 that I wished I could think like others in my grade, they seemed to happy doing what I thought was painfully boring — partying and whatever. ANd I never was happy with that. What jazzes me up is great conversation, deep thought, passion about what you do and a drive to be excellent in it. Sitting around chatting over beers or whatever is almost painful to me. In one way I think I was lucky that I didn’t go through a whole stretch of life pursuing false things, I committed to having my own family very young (not much else fills you with such passion 🙂 )and went into the field that I loved straight out of university and was able to transition into self-employment in the exact niche that I loved a few years ago when I found myself unhappy and on autopilot at a job. Still, I find there are very few people around me who are so filled with passion and excitement for every square inch of their lives that they don’t fully understand that what I am doing is an expression of the deepest part of me, not just a job. Your ‘rant’ helps me believe, in a small town with a lot of people miserable and on autopilot, that there is a lot of passion out there still 🙂 Thanks!!
So glad you liked it, Sharleen! Thanks for letting me know!
Adam
This was SO applicable to me today! Last night I hosted book-club at my house (which we have all labeled “booze club” instead)….however, last night I wasn’t drinking because I’m doing this boot camp challenge this month and eating clean. All of my “so called friends” were on me all night about not drinking with them, telling me I was going overboard, giving me a hard time because they think their husband’s “ogle” me. Then they promptly turned the discussion to how they all wanted to have tummy tucks. I wanted to lift my shirt up and say, “Look bitches…hard work…eating clean…no surgery necessary!” I don’t care if other people choose to be unhealthy, but don’t give me a hard time because I choose to work hard and do what’s right for me! I was floored to read your post this morning after a night like last night. Helps me to remember to just ignore the nay-sayers and do what I need to do. Thanks Adam!
We’ve all been through that stuff, Cyndi! That’s why I currently have more online friends than “real” ones and I stayed single for about 3 years.
Stay strong – You’re right on!
Adam
Hi Adam… Enjoyed reading your post and the comments from your readers. Nice to know there are others out there who haven’t got the sheep mentality and go their own sweet way through life as they want to , not how society in general wants us to. I wonder why there seem to be so few people with independent thought.
Thanks for your words…they have inspired in me a contentment with the way I live my life. All the best, Jude.
That’s really great, Jude! Thanks so much for letting me know!
Adam
What if my own standards are unattainable?
Good question! The short answer is, we’re all capable of more than we think we are. If you TRULY have unattainable standards you might have a perfectionism thing going on. Plenty of books out there about dealing with that. I have it too…
As Tony Robbins says, perfectionism is an impossible standard, strive to be OUTSTANDING instead. I’ve used that advice in my own life and it’s helped a lot.
BTW, Tony Robbin’s program “Time of Your Life” might be really good for you, Robert. You can get it on eBay for around $150.
Adam
Adam, VERY VERY COOL. I have just recently begun reading your blog…because I JUST found you!!! You rock, rock, rock!!!! Keep on writing, keep on living the high life, and keep on blogging. I appreciate you so much in my quest to continually improve my eating habits and healthy lifestyle. For me, I am now 6 years out from losing 100 pounds and giving my lifestyle a HUGE overhaul. It will be a life-long journey but I REFUSE …and I mean REFUSE to go back! I have an excellent personal trainer and I work out HARD at the gym. I leave it all there. I get better and better every week, and stronger too! I have never been this strong in my entire life!!! I just cannot give up training!!! Anyway…THANK YOU for being here and being an inspiration!!!! You are amazing!!!
WOW! Thanks SO MUCH, Suzanne! So glad my writing helps you!
Let me know if you ever need anything!
BTW, are you a fan of Strong is the New Skinny on Facebook?
ttys
Adam
Adam I totally hear you on this one. I wasted a lot of time and effort running after goals that weren’t my own. When I finally took stock of my life I didn’t like where I’d ended up. So I got rid of toxic out of my life, anything that does not further my health and happiness I don’t pick up, no matter how much guilt ‘friends’ try to throw at me. It’s liberating. I like that word, I no longer have excess baggage that was only weighing me down. I’ve surrounded myself with good people who are trying to improve themselves and who inspire me to be better.
That’s the way to do it, Natalie!
Adam
Oo er, go get um mate!! Love the shit for progress…ditto, but i’m still trying. Falling on my arse a lot (literally not figuratively) but still getting up and trying.
Cheers for sharing what’s going on in your brain. It takes a lot of bottle (that’s guts in British speak) to stick to your guns even at my grand old age when faced with people tutting and ‘you’re OBSESSED!’ being chorused at you.
I could be obsessed about heroin, too, but instead I’m just trying to build a healthier, stronger me. If that’s obsession, I’ll take it, thank you. 😉
Nice, Becky! Thank you! 🙂
Adam
Adam, Yes…I’m a fan of SINS on Facebook!!! 🙂 Thanks again Adam!!!!
-Suzanne
Cool!
ttys
Adam,
As always man, you hit the nail on the head!!! When I started my journey just 2 months ago now, I said to myself, that’s it, i’m doing this for me, i don’t care about what anyone else thinks and I’m doing it the best way that I know how, and if others want to learn and share and grow with me then great!!! If not, No biggie, I’m still me!!
Thanks for keepin it real brother!!
Tim
Thanks a lot, Tim! Glad you liked it!
Do what makes YOU happy, man! That’s really where it’s at. Follow your passion and be you. Not many people have the guts to do it!
Thanks again, man!
Adam
Adam,
This is the most profound thing I’ve read to date. People give me so much hell (including my own husband) about my lifestyle. I have 4 kids. They are all fed a Paleo diet and aren’t allowed to sit around and watch TV. I am a full time college student. I own a business and I blog like crazy. I don’t watch TV, I don’t “just sit down and chill”…I don’t enjoy those things..I enjoy making progress and being busy doing the things I want to accomplish. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone, and that I’m not WRONG or ruining the “fun”. You’re the best.
Nope! You’re not alone at all, Nichole! There’s a Chinese saying something like: “If 1000 people do a foolish thing, it’s still a foolish thing.”
Stick to your values! You’ll never make anyone else happy anyway – so worry about YOURSELF and raising some happy, healthy, PALEO kids!
Adam
Well said, sir! There’s a quote out there (that I can’t find, of course!) to the effect that “greatness does not explain itself; those who understand don’t need an explanation, and those who need an explanation don’t understand”. I found it particularly empowering when I came across it years ago, and it still holds true. I am accountable to myself for how I live my life; no one is a higher authority than that, and nor should anyone be. (I’m talking about terrestrial beings, here, without reference to deities.)
I love the blog, by the way. I’m fairly new to Paleo, but already I’m down a clothing size and up in my kettlebell weights.
I think I know the quote you’re talking about, Wendy! Glad you’re liking the blog and that Paleo is going good for you!
Adam
Adam, I just found you today, through “Strong is the new skinny,” and this post has, as other comments have said, really hit home. I get the same crap all the time, and it’s so refreshing to read both your post and your commenter’s posts about how you’re dealing with it.
I want to be fit, strong, engaged, and active until I am dead, but so few people in my area do anything but watch bad reality TV and eat crap that I feel very alone most days. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone, crazy, or a bad person for living mindfully.
Rock on, Shawn! Glad you found some inspiration in that post! Keep strong!
Adam